Today is my favorite day of the year. "Why?" you ask. Because Pumpkin Spice is back at Starbucks.
This drink has so many memories for me. Living in Virginia and experiencing Fall. Spending time with my friend Cassie. Being pregnant with Ryan. Hanging out with Kim and April in Arizona. I was literally shaking as I waited for them to make it this morning.
I found a recipe online for it and I will post it once I try it. For now, I will enjoy my $4.50 venti :)
I LOVE country music...it speaks to my heart, my faith, my dreams. I never could understand the excitement over Kellie Pickler, so I never jumped on that country train - until I heard THIS song this week for the first time. Thanks to my Taylor Swift Pandora Station. I LOVE this song!!! (If you have read my blog, it is for obvious reasons). Now go link up with Goodnight Moon and share your song this week.
I am loving that I am on hold at work and they are playing great hold music (Collide by Howie Day). Yesterday the same company played Alanis.
I am loving that my sister made me a new banner, sig and button for my blog. She is amazing at all types of graphic design.
I am loving that I get to cook my awesome Chicken Parm for my life group tonight. Wednesdays are great because I get to see them and be refreshed for the rest of the week.
I am loving that my sister reminded me that she leaves NEXT Saturday and not this Saturday.
I am loving that I am now on hold to Jack Johnson while working and blogging on my iPhone.
I am loving M.A.C.'s lipglass in Dreamy. It matches my skin, eyes and hair perfectly.
I am loving that as boring as my job can be, my job is essential for people securing jobs to provide for their families and rebuild our economy.
I am living going to the gym!!!
I am loving that my life didn't end after divorce. I really thought it would while I was going through it. It was so painful and scary, but I feel better than I have in years...and my kids are doing well too (not too messed up...yet :).
So, I am on this "diet." Not really a diet, but, a "diet." I am trying to eat less, smaller portions, more often, drink tons of water and workout. The weekends don't count on my "diet." So, today being Monday, was "diet" day again.
Did I fail?
Was it worth it?
How often do I get to have dinner with one of my longest and bestest friends (who happens to live 3,000 miles away) at one of our favorite resturants in one of our favorite cities? Ummmm....it hasn't happened in over four years!
So, I skipped the gym tonight and splurged on Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo and Garlic Bread from Sonny's in San Clemente. Sonny's is a small family owned Italian restaurant that is out of this world!!! It is a must-go-to spot for tourists coming to this small beach town, and a place where locals frequent on almost a weekly basis. Priced reasonably and tastes homemade (well, because it is.)
We topped it off with a short walk and some Baskin-Robbins ice cream.
No matter what kind of diet I am on, there is not much that is worth more than spending time with a great friend and great food - sharing laughter, memories and dreams about her moving back here!
...and went to the gym yesterday. Not long ago I posted about how scared I was, but I did it! I just got dressed and went. I didn't run into anyone I knew and I was able to do 45 min of cardio, which is great for where I am at right now. The best part is that I had that feeling I missed so much - the feeling that you want to stop and die while you are there but on the drive home you can wait to go back. I love that feeling! I am going back today!
I miss the days where I used to dance like no one was watching and work out at the gym like everyone was watching (you all know what I mean.) Back in my twenties, when I went to the gym to work out, not only did I want to be fit, but I wanted to see men check me out as they walked past. Childish and self-centered I know, but I had "it" for a time and I wanted to flaunt it.
Today, I am afraid to go to the gym. Not because I don't want people looking at me, because the reality is that everyone is looking at the fit 20-somethings. I am afraid to go because my gym is smack in the middle of where I grew up. I am not comfortable in my own body right now and would hate to run into someone I knew from my past while I was jiggling around on the treadmill.
Instead, I'll keep my 30-something post-two baby body at home shaking my groove thing (because I KNOW no one is watching) while playing JUST DANCE on my wii. The $30 I pay a month for the gym I never go to is just motivation for me to lose 20 lbs to be comfortable in the gym again.
I found myself wondering today if my future includes me finding a man who cherishes me...for who I am. I want to love someone again and be loved - like he can't take his eyes off of me, falls asleep holding my hand, chick-flick watching, always protecting, passionate kissing love. I don't know why I was thinking about it. Maybe because I truly don't think I've ever had it...I'm not dating yet, but that desire is growing stronger everyday. I want to believe it is a sign of healing and moving on. I want to believe it is a sign of strength that my desire is not to settle anymore. I want real, honest, action-based love.
Hearts are breaking all around me...marriages falling apart, fighting, cheating...not just acquaintances, but friends - some of my BEST friends - are losing all they know and their dreams are breaking into pieces. Not long ago, it was me. Almost one year after my divorce was final, the pieces of me that were broken on the ground are being put back together into someone beautiful and I see the masterpiece that is being re-created. I want to share some (okay almost ALL) of my favorite break-up/empowerment/strength-gaining songs.
A Little Bit Stronger-Sara Evans
It Takes More-Jordan Sparks
Take A Bow-Rhianna
Since You've Been Gone-Kelly Clarkson
Never Again-Kelly Clarkson
Walk Away-Kelly Clarkson
Cry Me A River-Justin Timberlake
What Goes Around-Justin Timberlake
Consider Me Gone-Reba McEntire
You're Not Sorry-Taylor Swift
Picture to Burn-Taylor Shift
You Outta Know-Alanis Morrisette
Before He Cheat-Carrie Underwood
Undo It-Carrie Undersood
Life Goes On-LeeAnn Rhimes
Better In Time-Leona Lewis
Jar of Hearts-Christina Perri
Rolling in the Deep-Adele
One Girl Revolution-Superchick
Stand in the Rain-Superchick
Beauty From the Pain-Superchick
Just to Know You're Alive-Kutless