My First Blog

I wrote my first blog for work on Friday and we published it today. It is a little boring and educational, but that was the point of it. It takes me back to writing financial newsletter articles. It has my bosses name on it since I am not in my new position yet (and not in the blog as an author.)

Accurate Background Blog

I also had my first day of training today. It was a lot of information and I am getting nervous about doing it all on my own. I am lucky to have such a great team to back me up and help me. It feels good to work with people who want to see me succeed. 

The Great E-Reader Debate

I hate Kindles. Well, I have always said I hate the thought of an e-reader. I love to browse the bookstore and there is something special about having a paper book. I do admit that reading a book sometimes gets a little inconvenient when trying to read lying down or in the bright sun.

So, what did I do?

I bought a Kindle. AND, I kept it in the box for two weeks deciding if I really wanted to go down that road. I knew my life would change forever. Good or bad - it would change.

I opened it today and I was right. My life changed.

I LOVE MY KINDLE!!!!

I just have the $79 model, but it is perfect. I loved that I could buy 3 books for $10 and have them on my Kindle right away. The screen is so clear and it is so easy to read. The typing is a little difficult since I don't have the touch screen, but I don't plan on using it much. I like to purchase off of my computer. I will, however, be a hypocrite and make my kids read "real" books.

Now that I have made the switch, anyone can!

And, it doesn't hurt that I'm helping save trees :) I

You all know how much I was against it and now take it all back. What are your thoughts on this?

My Big News

I have a new job! Okay, a promotion within my current company, but a new department and a big raise!

I interviewed four times and signed my offer letter today. I will be the Associate Proposal Writer and the company's only proposal writer.

The pay isn't as awesome as I want, but all greed aside, I am so content with it. I have been out of the workforce for a long time and really haven't used my degree until now. The pay is right where it should be.

I am really proud of myself and I am not afraid to say it. In the past two years i started as a stay at home mom, I left my home in AZ, got divorced, quit my job, moved in with my parents, started a temp job, was hired full time (bottom on the food chain) and am now going to be writing and managing proposals and RFPs for fortune 100 and 500 companies. my company is also willing to pay for me to get some design training to work with marketing.

All the while, I have stayed true to who I am and what I believe. I am surviving as a single mom and feel like surviving may turn to thriving soon.

I will be able to spill the rest in another month or so. Nothing to do with my job though.

I am so thankful for the path I am on and for the blessings that have come from God.

To top it all off, my sister may have an awesome new job soon too. She should know soon!!!

Thank you to everyone for your support and encouragement.

I really really want to tell you

But, tomorrow is the BIG day. You only have a few days left of waiting (I hope only a few).

My sister has just as big of a day for the same reason. It is kinda of, okay, REALLY a big coincidence.

Are you excited yet?

Not as much as I am!!!

Oh, and I am NOT pregnant. I did not buy a house. Or a car.

I wish...

...I could tell you what has been going on, but nothing is final and I don't want to jinx it. Oh, but some things are SO big!!!! That's why I have been avoiding you all. I just want to spill, but I'll give you some hints:

1. I just signed some very important papers tonight.
2. A career change may be coming
3. My list felt naked with only two hints

So, that's it. Nothing more from me tonight.

Oh, except it's my son's 6th birthday!!! AND I had a parent-teacher conference and he is "brilliant." (her words :). If only he'd stop tattling on other kids...

Our Lives - Something to Believe In

Part of me wanted to write about what I think my calling is - my purpose - in this world. but, I don't want this to be about me. OK, this blog is all about me, But I want to share two songs today that have been encouraging me lately...giving me hope...giving me somehting to believe in. 

I hope they are encouraging to others as well.

I have been so blessed by a group of 17 people who all just met 7 weeks ago. This little group that I am facilitating is starting to really feel like family. We are building relationships with each other. We are serving together. We holding each other accountable. We are listening to each other. I love them.

I want to facilitate another group when this one ends, but I think I may have found a home with the group I am with now. 

So, it is a HUGE change from my post a few weeks ago about feeling alone, 

which is why I am LOVING these two songs. 

Our Lives - The Calling

Something To Believe In - Parachute

Single Parenting

I was a military wife for 7 years. I gave birth to my first son while my ex-husband was deployed and have honestly done most of the parenting alone, whether it be because he was gone or wasn't pitching in. Not to say he never parented, because when he did, it was a huge help.

I used to say that "single parenting" was hard in those circumstances. 

I had no idea what single parenting was. 

That was not single parenting. Co-parenting long distance maybe. Feeling alone as a parent maybe. Feeling like I was carrying most of the parenting burden maybe. But single parenting, it is not single parenting.

See in all of my past situations, the time was going to end or it could have. Eventually he would call and we could talk about my struggles, get advice from him and have his support. Eventually he would come home. Eventually, I would get fed up with carrying all of the weight and would talk to him about stepping up to help more. The season ends and co-parenting begins again. I am not saying that it wasn't hard and it isn't hard for those who are in those situations. It is hard. You have something to look forward to though. He/she will come home. He/she will call. You can tell him/her to get their butt in gear and be a parent.

As a single parent, there's no choice. There is hardly any alone time without paying someone for it (and time at work does not count as alone time.) And as a single parent, really how often can we afford to pay someone for it?

There's no tag-teaming with the kids when you feel defeated and just can't handle anymore whining or fighting.

There's no running out alone to the store (and sneak a quick coffee.)

I wish the term "single" parenting wasn't used as a general term in society today. Feeling like you are parenting alone is one thing. Actually having to do it alone is another. 

And, being a single parent isn't a bad thing. Just really hard.

Unwritten

I took a really big step today and made a huge decision, BUT I can't share it for a while. Soooooooo, I thought I'd share a little about how I feel about it in the form of a song...

 

 

And NO, I have not started dating yet :)

Now I said My A-B-C's....

 

Ry - age 3 1/2

LIttle moments like this...

...remind me of my blessings and the beautiful life I have. Sometimes, it is the unexpected, the unplanned, that creates the best memories. I'd have to say it happens like that the majority of the time.

I decided to take a brief, spur-of-the-moment trip to the scrapbook store yesterday morning. As I was leaving, I asked my boys if they wanted to come with me, assuming they would say "no" since they are always bored and getting yelled at by me when they come. To my surprise, and honestly disappointment, they both were overly enthusiastic about going. So, I started praying for patience as I loaded them into the car, desperately needing Starbucks to calm my anxiety.

As I dreaded pulling into the parking lot, I noticed a huge fire truck at Lowe's. I thought we'd go see it real fast, because a fire truck is a win-win for the three of us. The boys get to climb in the truck and see real firemen. I get to see real firemen. Win-WIN!!! ;) It ended up being Lowe's Build and Grow day and the kids were building their own fire trucks! While we missed actually seeing the fire truck up close, we had so much fun hammering nails and building fire truck toys, complete with siren sounds. I stood in awe over how big the boys are getting and how it is in these moments that I see how important bring a mom is and, really, how important it is to just go with the flow. Those memories, the surprise of doing something fun and boyish, was better than anything I could have planned that day.

Plus, it made the trip to the scrapbook store uneventful with their new toys to keep their attention.

Enjoy the photos!!!

Life this past week or so

I wrote a blog about being lonely a little while ago. The next day a great friend of mine called and guess where the conversation lead? Yep. To us being lonely. Just hearing her voice made me feel less alone, though we are three thousand miles apart. It was the jump start I needed.

This week I have gone to the gym four days in a row. Three if this days I had to talk myself into it, but I did it. Tomorrow will be no different :) no weight loss yet, but I have to be building some muscle.

The group I am leading at church is amazing. God I'd already working in lives and hearts. I love facilitating it. I think I may have found a ministry I want to be a part of for a while, if not long term. I am so excited that God is using me to help people find their identity in Christ and own their stories.

Last night, I went to my other group and really felt connected for the first time. Maybe bc it was smaller, and the people who were there were the ones I relate to the most. I left feeling great and it continued into today :)

Work, well it is still boring, but I am getting some great responsibilities and experiences. I am now the go-to person for everyone who works from home (about 20 people.) we are also hiring more next week and I am going to be holding the online training and conference call. How awesome is that?!? It is great to be in a place where my skills are utilized and my goals for my future are being considered and given opportunity to grow. Next, I want a raise, but I'll wait a bit to ask for one.

I may have found a great family law attorney. Will update later.

Austin is doing great in school. I have had so much patience with the boys. I don't feel as depressed since starting to work out and eating less junk ( I think my group at church is helping a lot too.)

Life just feels ok. Skies are bluer lately.

Oh and I have never been a jewelry person, but I am LOVING big and dangling earrings :)

Where to find the time

I have so much I want to share, but never enough time to blog. Nothing too exciting, but skies are looking bluer in my life. :)

Maybe tonight.

Lonliness

How is it that I feel the most lonely when I am with a group of people?

A group of people who are eventually supposed to be like family...community to me...

There's nothing wrong with them. I love them all dearly, but I just don't connect with them all but a few. 

I feel like I should leave them feeling refreshed and excited for the time we spent together, but instead I leave feeling more alone than ever. I leave feeling defeated. I leave wanted to cry...and tonight I did. 

Maybe it is the frustration of feeling like I will never find a group of friends again that are like my family. Friends, together, that really know me and I know them. Friends that really share life together. I miss my friends. I miss my one-on-one friends who live scattered across the country because the military has split us physically. I miss the ones who live close, but are so busy. I miss the group of friends I left behind in AZ...a church of people who my family and my community. We really shared life together. 

Almost every single one of the friends my heart is aching for are friends I met while married. I am having such a hard time meeting friends now. I didn't meet these friends through my ex or because of him, I connected with each of them on my own (minus one or two.)

Maybe I am just depressed. And that scares me. 

I have so much I am blessed with and a burning desire in me to live my life, but I am struggling to make it happen. I know things will get better. They have to. Maybe some Welbutrin and counseling will help.

(please don't respond to this with pitty or "things will get better." In fact - tonight I just want to vent with no comments.)

I will NOT cry!

My drive home from work includes a pass right by my son's elementary school. 

I saw all of the cars in the parking lot for the parents and kids that were there

checking the class lists that posted today and I started to tear up. 

My little boy starts Kindergarten tomorrow. 

I will NOT cry!!!

Tomorrow...

I just might tonight...

One Year Sober

This was in today's newspaper. How perfect for the on year ... Of me being divorced. 

I don't want to call it an anniversary. I'd like to keep that word for happy and joyous times. I don't know what to call it. After today, I think it will be known as "September 1st."

Today was very uneventful. My head knew what today was, but my heart felt nothing. 

It was neutral. 

Not happy. 

Not sad. 

Maybe finally healed?

Today also marked my sobriety birthday of one year without dating.

Coincidentally, ok, maybe it was a "God thing", I met with my pastor to discuss facilitating a group at church. My Paster married his wife later in life. She was a single mom whose ex-husband left her as well. He also took a year off from dating at one point in his life. I am so encouraged by their story. I pray that my story will be just as encouraging to people in my group starting in September.

So the point of today's story?

God has blessed me beyond measure through something I thought would destroy me. Something beautiful is happening with this new start. 

What's your song - divorce edition

September 1st 2011 - one year since I have officially been divorced. 

A post on that tomorrow night.

I do not want anyone like my ex-husband again, but this song is my song for this week. Go link up with Goodnight Moon with yours. 

I am loving...

...playing wii with my son. We love Boom Blocks!

...that Starbuck's has Pumpkin Spice back. My scale will not be loving it soon.

...my sister being home for a few weeks (still)

Today is a negative day, so I can think of more things I don't love today...:(Go link up to read what others' are loving.

3-Year-Old Emotions

Ry was so emotional at the San Diego Zoo on Sunday (Zoo blog and pics to come tomorrow.) 

I had to devote an entire post to Ry's emotions.

 The last grumpy picture was the very first picture of the day...nice huh?

Lucky for us, his mood changed drastically half way through the day.

 

 I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF HIS BLUE EYES!!!!!

The wait was worth it

Today is my favorite day of the year. "Why?" you ask. Because Pumpkin Spice is back at Starbucks.



This drink has so many memories for me. Living in Virginia and experiencing Fall. Spending time with my friend Cassie. Being pregnant with Ryan. Hanging out with Kim and April in Arizona. I was literally shaking as I waited for them to make it this morning.

I found a recipe online for it and I will post it once I try it. For now, I will enjoy my $4.50 venti :)

Today, I am a very proud mom

Yay! Austin got over his fear of riding his bike with no training wheels and thinks it is SO much fun now to ride it. I feel like a very proud mom today. I taught my little boy how to ride a bike.

It is a little bittersweet, as I always pictured his dad teaching him as my dad taught me, but I am just as good, if not better, given our family dynamics now.

Yep...I love this kid and I love being a mom. In fact, today I am proud of the single mom I have become.

What's YOUR Song???

I LOVE country music...it speaks to my heart, my faith, my dreams. I never could understand the excitement over Kellie Pickler, so I never jumped on that country train - until I heard THIS song this week for the first time. Thanks to my Taylor Swift Pandora Station. I LOVE this song!!! (If you have read my blog, it is for obvious reasons). Now go link up with Goodnight Moon and share your song this week.

What I am loving...

Here's what I am loving today...go link up too!!!


I am loving that I am on hold at work and they are playing great hold music (Collide by Howie Day). Yesterday the same company played Alanis.

I am loving that my sister made me a new banner, sig and button for my blog. She is amazing at all types of graphic design.

I am loving that I get to cook my awesome Chicken Parm for my life group tonight. Wednesdays are great because I get to see them and be refreshed for the rest of the week.

I am loving that my sister reminded me that she leaves NEXT Saturday and not this Saturday.

I am loving that I am now on hold to Jack Johnson while working and blogging on my iPhone.

I am loving M.A.C.'s lipglass in Dreamy. It matches my skin, eyes and hair perfectly.

I am loving that as boring as my job can be, my job is essential for people securing jobs to provide for their families and rebuild our economy.

I am living going to the gym!!!

I am loving that my life didn't end after divorce. I really thought it would while I was going through it. It was so painful and scary, but I feel better than I have in years...and my kids are doing well too (not too messed up...yet :).

I am just loving feeling like I am living.

Making time for what matters

So, I am on this "diet." Not really a diet, but, a "diet." I am trying to eat less, smaller portions, more often, drink tons of water and workout. The weekends don't count on my "diet." So, today being Monday, was "diet" day again.

Did I fail?

Yes.

Was it worth it?

ABSOLUTELY!!!

How often do I get to have dinner with one of my longest and bestest friends (who happens to live 3,000 miles away) at one of our favorite resturants in one of our favorite cities? Ummmm....it hasn't happened in over four years!

So, I skipped the gym tonight and splurged on Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo and Garlic Bread from Sonny's in San Clemente. Sonny's is a small family owned Italian restaurant that is out of this world!!! It is a must-go-to spot for tourists coming to this small beach town, and a place where locals frequent on almost a weekly basis. Priced reasonably and tastes homemade (well, because it is.)

We topped it off with a short walk and some Baskin-Robbins ice cream.

No matter what kind of diet I am on, there is not much that is worth more than spending time with a great friend and great food - sharing laughter, memories and dreams about her moving back here!

I took a leap of faith

...and went to the gym yesterday. Not long ago I posted about how scared I was, but I did it! I just got dressed and went. I didn't run into anyone I knew and I was able to do 45 min of cardio, which is great for where I am at right now. The best part is that I had that feeling I missed so much - the feeling that you want to stop and die while you are there but on the drive home you can wait to go back. I love that feeling! I am going back today!


- Posted from my iPhone

What's YOUR Song??

I am loving this weekly link up with Goodnight Moon. 
This week's song is ... All I Need by One Republic. No explanation. It's just where my mind has been.

Shake Your Groove Thing

I miss the days where I used to dance like no one was watching and work out at the gym like everyone was watching (you all know what I mean.) Back in my twenties, when I went to the gym to work out, not only did I want to be fit, but I wanted to see men check me out as they walked past. Childish and self-centered I know, but I had "it" for a time and I wanted to flaunt it.

Today, I am afraid to go to the gym. Not because I don't want people looking at me, because the reality is that everyone is looking at the fit 20-somethings. I am afraid to go because my gym is smack in the middle of where I grew up. I am not comfortable in my own body right now and would hate to run into someone I knew from my past while I was jiggling around on the treadmill.

Instead, I'll keep my 30-something post-two baby body at home shaking my groove thing (because I KNOW no one is watching) while playing JUST DANCE on my wii. The $30 I pay a month for the gym I never go to is just motivation for me to lose 20 lbs to be comfortable in the gym again.

Desiring Love

I found myself wondering today if my future includes me finding a man who cherishes me...for who I am. I want to love someone again and be loved - like he can't take his eyes off of me, falls asleep holding my hand, chick-flick watching, always protecting, passionate kissing love. I don't know why I was thinking about it. Maybe because I truly don't think I've ever had it...I'm not dating yet, but that desire is growing stronger everyday. I want to believe it is a sign of healing and moving on. I want to believe it is a sign of strength that my desire is not to settle anymore. I want real, honest, action-based love.

This is the life

Here's how I spent my afternoon...

The wind in my hair, the sun on my face and nothing
but the wide open road ahead...

This is the life. 

Okay, so it was more like...

The wind in my hair, the sun on my face and 

nothing but the hundreds of circles around the cul-de-sac ahead of me

with a pair of training wheels to the right and the left. 

Me on my 20-year-old 18-speed.

Boo-ya - that's right. 

I said 18-speed. 

Jealous much?

Yeah, I would be too!

Now THIS is the life. 

Though my thighs will tell me differently tomorrow. 

(today was the first day I rode a bike in about 15 years and I rode for two hours straight!)